she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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