why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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