Whod you bang
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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