Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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