i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
