The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize