I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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