i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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