And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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