I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
50% drunk capacity currently
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
