fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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