i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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