I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
