If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
