Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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