Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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