Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
smell my finger.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
