I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
