He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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