Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car