found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.