and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.