Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.