i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
