The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
