what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
