While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
