Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
