If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
