Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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