A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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