I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
did i just pee glitter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
