i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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