listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
