I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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