At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I could make wine with my vomit
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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