So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
