i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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