The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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