take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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