I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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