super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
