i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
