there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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