why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
