So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
