Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
