if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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