Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
