go do what you do best...puke behind churches
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
