this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
