Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
