I think my fart just growled at me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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