quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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