i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
