4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
