Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
