So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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