I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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