Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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