She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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