There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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