i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
