I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
