So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
