Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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